Wax on, Wane off

I thought briefly there was a full moon today; and the last day I worked. Come to think of it, most days seem like a full moon. Now, we all know the "crazies" come out for the full moon. I seem to think the waxing and waning phases are dramatically overlooked. It's not science at all, it's just when people are most likely to be out and about. Limiting odd behavior to one day in every thirty or so is just not fair to the masses. I have proof.

• I called a pediatrician's office and was put on hold. The song playing? Supercalifragilisticexpyaladocious. No shit. I told the nurse I preferred "A spoonful of sugar." I know, I know.
• A man asked me if candy counted as food. I told him to take his amoxicillin/clavulanate with food. I didn't want the argument. I hope he enjoyed his candy.
• A young woman inquired to which caffeine "supplement" was the best. I told her none of them were any- "My friend's a stripper," she interrupted. I think we all know that by "her friend" she meant "her." I hope her shift went well. Can you really nod off during a table dance? Just sayin'
• Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me a River" played 3 times in 2½ hours. Someone at the muzak company needs to take alertness lessons from motivated strippers. That way, I won't have to listen to the same horrible fucking song over and over. And over.
• That same someone seems to think playing Avril Lavigne is a good fucking idea. Well, someone, it's not. So play me some Mary Poppins like the kid's office.
• "You should try Zyrtec," I told a customer. "Oh. So, Sudafed then?" was the reply.
• "You should try Zyrtec," I told a customer. "Oh. So, wait, what?" was the reply.
• "You should try Zyrtec," I told a customer. "Oh. So, Mucinex then? was the reply.
• I'm trying to think of a more direct way to advise the use of Zyrtec. I'll think of something.
• I have a deaf man who calls and apparently stutters while signing. Didn't know that was possible. Every interpreter says: ooh, okay, um, ooh, well, okay between phrases/questions that make less sense than that.

All of these things happened when not a full moon. I'm scared. Really scared. I'm suggesting Mucinex only on March 30. If you have anything other than chest congestion that day and you come to my store, you're screwed. Maybe the full moon reverse psychology will result in people saying: "Oh. So, Zyrtec then?"