Black Friday couldn't do it. Leopard Snuggies - child please. Slap Chop, Shoes Under, Regular Snuggies, or any other gimmick couldn't get them in the store. Something has unified a certain subtype of person. Some sudden-ish shortage has caused the mass hysteria. Supply and demand is a bitch. I'm using short sentences because they've sapped my strength, much like theirs soon will be. Who am I speaking of? Who could it be? Wanna guess? Okay, I'll give you a multiple choice chance at guessing my ever-growing new hatred:
a) Snuggies for dogs (this is an actual product - just saw it today - speechless)
b) Singing stuffed animals in Santa hats whom sing holiday songs
c) People in search of an insurance to cover Latisse
d) ARMOUR THYROID
If you didn't guess the answer, well, I guess I'll see you soon inquiring about my stock of Armour Thyroid. I don't have any, by the way, so don't ask. I'm not sure what their problem is (the people in search of the product), but they don't like to listen and also enjoy sharing how wonderful dessicated hog and cattle thyroid is.
"I've used it for years," babbled a barley audible Eisenhowerite. "I don't know what the problem is..." I could ballpark it. Heh. Ballpark.
"Well, whaat am I going to dooooo?????" blurted an exasperated sixty-something who's never been to my store before. "You haaave to get it for me." No, I don't. No, I can't.
Any time I start to suggest an alternative I get an earful. I'm told how levothyroxine is some type of voodoo medicine that is not a suitable treatment. Okay, fucktard, whathefuckever.
I for one just don't see the fascination. Firstly, it smells like if shit took a shit. Wait, I'm not done. It smells like shit's shit ate Armour Thyroid and then shit. It's the worst smelling drug I can think of (those of you thinking metformin can just stop, it's not even close). I can't imagine why dessicated animal parts wouldn't smell like the Abbott Labs trademark Jordan Almond smell.....
Secondly, it's erratic and not very easy to dose. Unless you remember how to wash your clothes using one of those board thingies. Did they even have soap then?
Lastly, leave me alone. I don't know when it going to be back in stock. Really.
