I don't know if there is an official "Hat Trick" for pharmacy, but I think tonight would be pretty close to a dictionary or Wikipedia entry. In one hour, and consequently, the last hour of my shift, I experienced a Twilight Zone episode. I checked the lunar cycle for answers, but alas, it mocked me. I've written about the off-lunar cycles in the past, and this experience is only adding to my ever-growing pile of data. I intend to fully disprove the "full moon brings out the crazies" notion.
Chapter One
"Excuse me," she started. "Do you have a copy of last week's ad?" she rudely and interruptively queried. "I want to see what I missed," she went on to postulate.
(As I write this, I'm listening to "No Shelter" by Rage Against the Machine. I think you know why.)
"They must have one up front," she rattled on. "I'll go see what going on up there," she yammered.
Now, needless to say, I'm not sure what she was angling at, but it was pure evil. I couldn't get a word in edge-wise and just let her go.
(The song just changed to "Bullet In the Head," also by Rage; how appropriate.)
Chapter Two
"What do you think?" asked the scary woman whom appeared out of absolutely nowhere. I craned my neck quickly out of shock and fright. She was holding what looked like a retainer with one tooth dangling from it. "Which of these is better?" she wondered aloud while still holding the contraption that was just in her mouth a couple of seconds ago. She was pertaining to the dental repair kits she had wrangled. "I don't know," I replied. "They both seem to have the same basic constituents," was my final answer. (People of the Sun now playing - this is scary) She took the cheaper one and put that thing back in her mouth and was on her way. She was nice enough to leave the more expensive dental repair kit on my counter for us to re-shop, thought. Thanks, toothy.
Chapter Three
At last, a phone call. Take me away from the madness, please. Wait, the phone. Shit. The phone has fucked me repeatedly for my entire career. It did not disappoint tonight:
Caller: "Can I start, well, that is, if I'm on ciplox, ciprox, ciplofloracin, cipr-"
Me: "Ciprofloxacin?" I interrupted, putting her out of her misery.
Caller: "Yeah, that's the one," she stated. Long pause........"HELLO?!?"
Me: "I'm still with ya, just waiting for your question"
Caller: "Oh, yeah, well I might have an infection and well I just got um.....ahhhh...Zypr....Zyprella....Zyp-
Me: "Zyprexa?"
Caller: Yeah. That's it. Can I start, er, well, restart, well I was on it but then I stopped and then the doctor gave it to me and I need to well can I take it with the Ciprofunacin?
Me: There are no interactions between the two, to the best of my knowledge and resources available to me.
Caller: Well, I was readin' and I saw it can cause infections or sumtin and I don't wanna die.
This was the gist of about 15 minutes and a call back with a belligerent not-so-significant other in the background.
I wonder why it takes "15 minutes" for a waiting prescription?
He shoots, He scores. A natural hat-trick.
