Signs of the Apocalypse

Have you ever gotten that feeling you were about to have a bad day? There's no individual event that triggers this feeling, but your spidisenses indeed tingle? I think we all have. I had a day of actual irony and near sublimation and disbelief. There's not an abundance of professions that can boast a trilogy such as this.



Near sublimation...where do I begin. Well, let's start with the definition of sublimation. As I remember it, sublimation is the change of a gas to a solid while skipping the liquid phase. My near sublimation was not exactly that. Okay, it wasn't even close, but it's the only analogy that came to mind at the time. A stroke suffered Hungarian or Austrian man brought me his bottle of Digoxin that was filled when I was on vacation. Normal enough until he was garbling some words to my technician. I was on the phone, but it sounded like:



"ARRRR THUGH PROBLUHHHH RRRR!!!!!!!"



He repeated the above to me when I was off the phone. I opened his bottle of Digoxin and it was a vial of dust. I shit you not, it was dust. It looked like flour or baking soda or maybe a clever mixture of the two. At any rate, he wanted the "INSURAHHHS" to cover it again. After much "debate" he settled on saying he'd just take the powder. I think. To be sure, I told him that would not be a good idea. I think he said "why" but it sounded like WHNNNNN????!!!? I told him it may kill him to randomly ingest digoxin powder. Now, I have a few questions.



How the hell did Digoxin disintegrate in two weeks?

How the hell did he not notice this transpiring?

Why would you think anybody owes you a new refill if you let this occur?

Why bring me into this?

Can you take the stroke out of your mouth and convey a thought coherently?

Why did you drop "F" bombs on me in the drive-thru months earlier?

Is it a full moon?

Are there any hospitals hiring?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?



I eventually sold him some for cash, reluctantly. My theory is he dropped them or did something with the original fill, filled up the bottle with a placebo powder and then expected me to fix his transgressions. Well, Strokey Mcstrokerson, it takes a little more than that pull the wool.



Just to clarify: I don't actually have a problem with stroke sufferers. This guy just has a marble mouth and a big ass scar and an accent. A stroke is the best way to describe his vocal ability.



Ironies...bitter irony. A lady who is a true pain in the ass claimed her Proctofoam was "leaking." She first calls on the phone. She complains about everything and whines how her life is so hard. She's the 50 year old virgin (going out on a limb) who still lives with mom and dad. I have no idea what she wanted on the phone other than to complain. When I tried to rectify (rectify - get it) her situation, she goes off the handle and says:



"I don't know why I always have a problem. What the hell kind of pharmacist are you, anyway?"



My retort:



"I'm the kind of pharmacist that hangs up the phone now, good bye and have a nice day."



Hard to believe she came in. Armed with her used anal medication, a belligerent attitude and a fourth grade comprehension, she started in on me. As it turns out, my pain in the ass with a pain in the ass was too stupid to clean the foam out of the applicator tip. Warm water fixed her problem and HOT water and soap fixed my hands. I guess she's the better person......



A creepy customer always gives us candy. He's nice, but the candy is always warm and looks like it's undergone some type of tampering. Well, my timing was impeccable for once. I'd just retrieved some sale candy after helping a customer find it, because that's my job, right? My trusty tech had just rung me out and the candyman came to the counter. I said:



"Today, the tables are turned, my friend!"



I promptly opened my mini peppermint patties and gave him a handful. He looked confused and a little shocked. Turns out he gave it back to my other tech, citing he didn't feel comfortable taking my candy. So, it's okay to give creepy, softened, yet warm taffy but my brand new patties are no good?



It's all good, though. We've started a 60 dram vial and have begun collecting his candy. My donation of patties were deposited. I hope to anonymously mail the whole lot to him once our collection is complete. I'll be eating the patties, though; I bought those.



As for the disbelief: My company has cut our tech hours by nearly a full timer. If I'm not dead, I'm sure I'll have lots to write about.

Finally, some recourse

Recourse is a slippery entity. It seems to be the carrot in front of our noses, dangling, never to be caught. I'd like to have some recourse when it comes to my two greatest but no so new found annoyances. It took a recent trip to the "magical" world of Disney to bring everything together. Now, at the risk of sounding miserly, I will navigate my transgressions carefully.

My two annoyances will wait until the trip is recalled. I'm going to lay it out in a game called "bright side, dark cloud."

Bright side: The weather was perfect. It did not rain a drop and the temperature was between 85 and 90 degrees all week.

Dark cloud: Scooters are now affordably rentable at Disney World. The scooters are being used by fat people (mostly), some old people and fat, old people.

Bright side: I don't require a scooter, but can swiftly manuver a double stroller around a scooter.

Dark cloud: Not all fat people use scooters.

Bright side: I can accurately clip their ankles with said double stroller and then say "so sorry, I didn't know you were going to move that direction"

side note - yes I did. You see, fat people have an uncanny way of wandering just in front of you and moving slightly to the right or left, depending on which way one is trying to jockey around them. It is insensing to say the least, but the game of ankle crashing makes it better.

Dark cloud: I endured this for a week.

Now, after coming back "refreshed" from my vacation, I was painfully reminded that work is like the fat person meandering in front of you at Disney. You can't get around them. You try to go to the left and there's someone coming the other way. You duck to the left and speed up - aimless 3 year old not paying attention.

At work, however, the fat person in the scooter is acutally a fat person in a scooter. The people coming the other direction(s) are the helpless old people in the aisles "shopping." The aimless three year old is either an aimless three year old or guy/chick on cell phone at counter. My phone ringing, on the other hand, is likened to nothing in life. It is incessant and overwhelming. It is relentless but grating to the core. I hate my ever-ringing phone. If we ever get new phones, I'm going to ask if I can take one home - I have a field behind my house. Let's just say....


Now, I would undoubtedly act as Michael Bolton in this scene. That about covers item 1.

The second annoyance is old people with time to burn. Now, I understand you have a legitimate question. I actually enjoy answering those. On the flipside, if you rush me and poke your snout over the counter as if you are on fire only to ask me the whereabouts of cotton balls....


So, that's about it. Vacation, all I ever wanted......blah, blah. I never did enjoy the Bangles. I was always more partial to Bananarama's "Cruel Summer."

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. This clip would be relevant to both work and Disney. One could say it's the "background noise" in either place. Enjoy.