A Quick Refresher.

Class, today's word is only. It seems an easy, simple word; there are only four letters. Hell, if you look at it long enough and say it enough times, it almost seems like it's not a word at all. I'm convinced that is what my customers have done. Lately, any sentence or explanation with the word "only" seems to be a tad bit misconstrued. If by misconstrued I mean they just don't fucking get it.

Knucklehead: Can you get Armour Thyroid?

Me: No. There is a nation-wide manufacturing shortage and we can ONLY get limited supplies of it when we least expect it.

KH: Sooo, you're saying that you won't order it? (snidely)

Now, you see where the fundamental understanding broke down there? I stated a fact, and they were a reh-tard. Again:

Crotchnugget: How much is my flu shot under my insurance (I'm on your system)?

Me: Well, Shim, your insurance does not provide payment for a flu shot at a pharmacy benefit level. The ONLY plans currently participating are Medicare and Medicaid. The charge will be the cash price of 20 dollars.

CN: Oh, what about Blue Cross?

Sigh. You see, once again with the listening. I understand you pay "good money" for your insurance, we all do. Unfortunately the "bad money" plans are the only participants. Next time, just listen to the apparently useless propaganda flowing from my mouth and you'll have your answer. Now, a caveat to this (that means an exception or disclaimer or something you might not want to hear because of extenuating circumstances) idea is that you may not like my answer. You may disagree with my answer. You'd be wrong, and that's o.k. Also, you're not on my system, dickhole. If you were "on my system" it would collapse. You can't sit on a flatscreen monitor, dumbass.

Okey dokey, let's try again.

Heavymouthbreather: How can I stop my cough, it won't stop.

Now, I've been 'properly' trained to ask a series of questions which acts as an algorithm to ascertain which "cough" medication is best for you. I've done my due diligence and have selected cetirizine (Zyrtec).

Me: Cetirizine is the best option for your annoying post-nasal drip. Antihistamines are the ONLY medication that will truly impact your current situation.

HMB: What about Mucinex? (that s/he is holding which was his first inclination)

Strike three. If you don't want the advice, don't ask for it. No, an algorithm is not a mathematical equation. Yes, antihistamines will work best.

Now, can't we all, as a society listen closely when another person says "only?" The word denotes some type of exclusivity, not inclusivity, got it? I really don't have the time or energy or resources to be teaching third grade. Now, go back into the sewer with the rest of the Goonies so I can tell people what an International Unit is.